It has been 3 months since the last post.

Wow time flies and 3 months over OCS has passed.

If I were to say everything that happened for the past few months,

this post will be flooded.

And yea, I'm quite lazy to pen down everything anyway. ;x

I just finished MSTD 01/12, having sailed to 3 different countries in 6 weeks.

The experience is of coz 1 of it's kind, n looking back,

it was quite filled up meaningfully too, even though I'm just a pre-mid,

haven't really started the course yet.

I still remember vaguely on the first day of OCS, when everyone feels

like shit.

The surroundings feels competitive, n people tends to group

with the people that they already knew through the same bmt coy or

any other kind of friendships too.

Alot of things looks superficial n it's quite difficult to find some1 that I can

really clique.

Expectations were weighed on us and alot of things r really different

in the way OCS is.

Though I've sailed 6 weeks with my batch boys from MIDS,

but still the sense of belonging feels missing.

I don't really feel that I can sync well with my batch boys.

Not as in don't like, but is just don't clique.

Mayb it's just me? I don't know.

The course commander don't seems to fancy me alot either.

Lol it's like a wrong footing at the start.

Oh well, I guess I can't do much about this kinda thing

but just maintain a positive attitude n do everything to my best

n to my own conscience.

Hopefully as time goes by, things would turn out for the better.

Now is April, 9 more months to go before commissioning.

Every now n then, I had the fear of OOC-ing.

was asking myself whether I could make the mark and meet up to

all the expectations weigh on us anot.

But ultimately in the end, I can't just give up without trying my best

to achieve it, isn't it true?

Actually I think I can do it, just that I think too much into it,

as always like before.

So for this 9 months, no matter how tough the going might get.

I must grit through my teeth, take the hardship and go all the way.

This is a challenge n I'm going to fucking achieve this.

Posting is out and I'm officially enrolled in OCS MIDS, meaning I'm already an navy OCT.

My signed on application as a navy officer has succeeded and tmr is the first day of my career in the SAF.

On the day of POP when we are route marching, i told Yaseen that it really doesn't feel like we r going to POP in a few hours time. It feels like just another BMT high key event and that the following Monday we would be booking in back to Tekong again.

It doesn't feel real on the thought that we are posting out to different units and life wouldn't be the same again for all of us at that point of time.

Especially me, moving on to OCT for navy officer.

Others would just simply start the next phase of their army life this week,

I'm actually starting a CAREER!

It still feels quite of a shock for the first few days of block leave,

but the feeling really began to sink in the past few days.

During the navy officer board interview, alot of people thought that the questions were difficult to answer, especially the qns : "Why Navy?"

This seems to be a very superficial qns

but in fact, it is actually a very deep and self reflecting qns.

Hmm my thoughts?

Let's put it this way.

Interviewers question: Why Navy?

My answer to the interviewers were these:

Let's say instead what kind of person would I want to be in my life?

I wanted to be some1 that is driven n passionate in life.

Some1 that people would look up n respect to as a peer, as a leader, as an individual.

I want to do n go through stuffs that are unique from everyone else,

living up to the honor of the things that I do.

I want to make an impact in people's life,

and at the same time broaden my mindset and explore different culture and stuff in the world.

I just want to keep improving myself as an individual.

I don't want a deskbound job and work my guts out all my life just for the sake of working, just for the sake of everything that I need to support in my life.

Instead, I look for a life of purpose n fulfillment,

I don't want to drag myself out of bed to work everyday.

But instead i would rather myself to look forward to everyday of my life to the things that I'm going to do.

At the same time, I'm ensured financial stability all the time.

I don't need to work towards to owning a bungalow, or a superb Lamborghini car.

I just need to let my family n I to live our lives very comfortably,

with no financial worries.

Navy comes by not of prolong planning or childhood dream.

Neither do I thought about going to the Navy in d 1st place.

Instead it serve as an opportunity.

Life is all about making tough choices.

Sometimes, we just need some directions in making our choices.

At first I don't even know what kind of career paths am I really going to take in d future.

But I know what r the stuffs to seek for in my life.

Planning, doing n leading have always been elements in my life.

Having the opportunity to go overseas every now n then to explore different cultures,

doing extraordinary stuffs that not normal people would do,

learning to be an effective leader n team player,

a career with higher than average pay in Singapore with financial stability,

opportunities for scholarships to further studies,

n having the honor of protecting the country through my job

really seems to appeal to me.

In life, I've learnt that making decisions are part n parcel of life.

Just that life is too short for any regrets.

Of course I would be lying if I were to say I wasn't afraid at all to make this decision.

But alot of things that I went through previously in life had taught me that

life is always full of surprises.

Things r ever changing.

The way things r now maybe not be the same as it is in d future.

There will always be cons n an element of risk in every decision that we make in our lives.

We shouldn't be too bothered with factors like fear of regretting, uncertainty to affect our decisions in our lives.

Becuz these negative factors doesn't really prove anything to the various options.

What's important is to think logically n follow your heart.

And to be brave enough to be different and make that decision.

We shouldn't regret if things doesn't really turn out as fine as we thought of,

for there are always reasons to our decisions at the point of time.

Hence one of the few things that I will constantly remind myself from now on..

"Leave no room for regrets."

Few hours later would be the official start of new phase of my life.

I just wanna keep this strong n positive attitude all the way.

And make my decision worthwhile

and my life a fruitful one. =]

Sometimes I felt happy, contented with things and people around me.

Sometimes I felt lonely, that there is no 1 that I can really relate to, to really seek comfort to.

Some1 that I know n trust would accept me completely as who I am and always be there for me.

Sometimes I would just go with the flow, do the things that I'm doing and I want to do.

Sometimes I would feel lost, with no sense of directions, don't know where to go.

Sometimes I felt calm, sometimes I felt restless.

Maybe this is the trait of Cancer Horoscope? Drastic Mood changes and all lol.

They say 1 would grow up each time after going through something everytime.

Different friends, girls walk in and out of your life everytime.

Whenever and whatever things that happens or come your way, it is just a matter of how u take it.

They often say I would definitely able to have a gf if I really wanted to.

Yea I know.

But it only apply to having a gf for the sake of having a gf.

It is just that whenever I got serious into a girl, she would just be sniffed off by some1 eventually which I don't know why.

But oh well, maybe I just haven't met the right girl yet.

And oh yea, I've got a problem with letting go too.

Maybe that is the reason y I still can't move on from this.

Let time heal everything.

For now I just want to learn to be independent, emotionally and mentally.

I want to take things that come my way in my life independently, challenging myself to take it.

And to be a better person each time.

I just wanna give my best in whatever things I do, and never to let myself down.

Although the path ahead looks misty and uncertain

But I'm ready for the future.

Let's go Lester!

=]

Hmmm time flies and I've already completed my first 2 n a half week of confinements in the army already.

It has been so long since I really blog too. The past few posts are just rantings.

Right now is time for a good reflection over my recent life activities already.

As time pass by, I felt more n more like an adult already.

Especially ever since after my first entry to NS.

I was happy to had done the stuffs that I wanted to do before going in and I'm happy with the results too.

- Brought n made presents for both Chow and Nigel. Hope you 2 would be contented about it.

- Pulling my fitness back. My efforts had really paid off. Thanks to my own regular trainings, my timing improved to 9:31mins on the first Cat test, and I guess I improved more than that in my IPPT. The other 4 stations I've done well too. But of cuz I'm not going to stop here and I will continue to aim for Company Best PT.

- Cleared doubts with xy. At least I know what she is thinking about and that my doubts are cleared too. The best thing to happen for this for now is to maintain the friendship between us, with no doubts and all. And yea I've managed to achieve this. Right now all I hope for u is to be happy with Victor if u 2 r really going to get together, and that he treats u well. And of cuz, remain good frens n I will always be here for u no matter wad in the future.

- Really appreciate for all the well wishes and outings just for my enlistment from all my friends and of cuz my own family.

Today was my first book out. I was so eager for this all the time before book out. But once I reached home, immediately I felt lost, dont know what to do, dont know where to go. All my frens were either busy or in NS. Until at night like maybe an hour later then can meet them.

I accompanied grandparents n sis to eat today, parents n sis tml. But in between all this, really at a lost in what to do. Guess I've really got used to packed and eventful life in the army already.

All this while sometimes at the back of my head, stuffs like my future path, my family's current financial status and etc would pop out occasionally every now n then. Sometimes I just can't help to think about it though I know I shouldn't be worrying all about this right now.

During the 2 weeks plus stay, RSAF, Navy and Army have been giving their recruitment talks and everything. There are talks about police too, which I've withdraw my contract earlier. For that point sometimes my brain really feels like cracking whenever I think about it. Things like what I'm going to do next after army. Go for degree? What degree n career to pursue of? Things like this drove me nuts. But at the end of the day I always remind myself that these stuffs shouldn't be filling up in my brain right now. The correct thing to do now is to concentrate and enjoy on my bmt. I hope that I would had a fruitful experience in not only bmt, but the rest of my military life, n of cuz strive to excel and to achieve something out of it.

I guess Cancer Zodiac Sign people really tend to have extreme moodswing. But I guess it's okay as long as I control my emotions the right way.

Although I still misses alot of people all this while, but the thing to do right now is to be independent both mentally n emotionally, to take on a this new life that is awaiting for me.

Really who knows what would all of us would become in years to come. One can sit down n wonder, or hope to be some1 that they want to be.

But for me, I've to understand 1 thing, is that

whoever we will become tomorrow are all shaped up by what are the things that I do today.

I should start to put in more faith in myself, like what I was in the past in the things that I love to do, and to have the never say die attitude.

Becuz I know that whenever I gave up something without even trying my upmost best to achieve it, the person that I let down isn't any1 but myself.

I also want to grow up to be a mature, responsible and good ethics individual & leader.

With all this in mind, I would push myself to face whatever that is to come n live life to my upmost fullest.

Good luck to me. =]

I nvr meant for this to develop in any other way in the first place.
And I knew the consequences if I got close with you again.
And I already told myself that I just wanna be the person to be there for you only, that's all.
Actually I should be glad that u still take me for a very good fren after all.
Yup and of coz, I should be happy for you.
Hope you can find a better bf than mingyong, eh?
Of coz I would be lieing if I said I'm not affected.
But oh well, if it ain't meant to be, it won't be.
Should be happy for you, instead of self pity and jealous about it.
Yup I would get over it and move on after some time,
but of coz cont to be there for you as a fren,
and yea happy for you too. =]

Never wallow in misery.
These are the things that I am going to do before NS/Police.

1.) Set my body clock straight. Try to wake up earlier and sleep earlier.
2.) Pack my room. Set things straight and neat. Just like starting things over again.
3.) At least exercise for every 2 days. Keep a healthy lifestyle, build up body and clear my mind.
4.) Take care of my personal hygiene. Better cure for my skin. More comfortable too.
5.) Stop texting xy. She doesn't really care as much as you do. So stop wasting your time.
6.) Find something useful to do. Keep your brain working at all times. So that your brain won't slow down and you will do more meaningful things in your life.
7.) Last but not least, be contented and appreciative with what I have at any moment.
This is the most important thing.

Alright I'm not going to be bothered by anything deemed unnecessary.
No point making my life miserable for nothing.
Should start to recognise what and who is more important to cherish and go after in life.
And learn how to be strong and independent.
Be emotionally and mentally ready for NS/Police.

Life has been great these few months.
Alot of things happened and changed.
Knew quite a few good friends from work and we cliqued quite well.
Have going out with them and some usual ppl like kenneth zwei lionel.
Had fun working with them and late night activites.
Have been going out with sec sch frens too. Been so long since I've been going out with them for quite awhile.
Had our fun and our sharing sessions. It's great to have frens like them. Especially sec sch frens that been so long nvr contact. It's great to know that they are still by my side after all this while.

Anyway, I've made 1 of the most important decision in my life.
Which is to sign on to be a police officer.
I've been feeling lost all this while. Dk what to do in the future and have no purpose in life.
I don't wanna be struck trying to earn more money all the time in my life.
I don't wanna just trying to make ends meet in every month of my life.
I don't wanna work or do anything just because I have to.
I seek for a life of purpose and fufillment.
I wished to be a person that others can respect and look up to.
Instead of being just another guy who is always self-consicous and always seek for things that benefits himself.
I prefer ppl around me to respect n love me for who i am, then having ppl around me just because of certain materialistics or ambitious reasons.
On top of my excellence and interest in inferences, psychology, and analysing activites.
And my sporty and outgoing personality.
I've decided to become a police officer.
10 years down the road when my peers are working their ass off everyday to earn more money, finishing every task that they are given just because of money,
the things that i do everyday carries a noble reason behind it.
Is like comparing an insurance agent with police officer.
For every appointment that an insurance agent clinched everyday, it is definitely less satisfactory than every criminal case that a police officer solved, or every life that a police officer saved everyday.
This reason alone could push me through my career in the future.
Hope that I could really get accepted into the police force and work hard and hope that I would be offered a degree sponsorship position in the next few years.
So that I would be set for life.
I was so glad to finally find some directions in life.
Hope that no matter what happens in the future, I would be strong enough to weather the bad times, humble enough to enjoy the good times, improving myself all the time and gain satisfaction from this job.
Wished me good luck! ;D

Been going out with xy this few months too. Never expected that I would ever go out or really get close to her again after MY incident.
She was 1 of those gals that i could really relate to, n it was great having her back by my side as a friend for now again.
Remembered those MY times when I wanted to talk to her when she was online.
But is either I don't have the guts to talk to her,
or I just don't know what to say to her.
Wanted to care and concern her, but also dk where to start. Start le also like no help.
Sometimes even awkward too.
Been so long since had a really nice conversation with her.
And the times that I can't stop thinking about her, but force myself not to think, as I thought it was not worth it, and that I shouldn't carry on like this.
Tried to go out with or jio different girls, but the feelings ain't the same.
It never work out.
Sometimes even after 1 year of her relationship with MY, I thought I've forgotten about her comepletely then.
But whenever I see her, i still tend to feel soft about her.
But never really had a good conversation between us.

Seriously never thought that a simple bday card would cut the communication barrier between us all along.
I really appreciate the effort.
It shows that you valued me at least as a friend after all.
The incident has been a regret in my life, but at least the scar is healed up now.
Right now. I just wanna be the person there for her. Thats all, at least for now.
Just want to make her happy, just want to be there.

But there is 1 thing that is troubling me right now.
I dk what I should do.
At the start, I knew that the feeling would come back again.
But I just try not to.
But I guess the feeling is still there after all these years after all.
I'm nt the kind of typical guys, who has their own personal agendas when getting close to her.
Those typical guys who just wanted to get her.
I just wanna be the person to be there in her life.
I never intend to go any further, for now.
Just wanna enjoy her companion, and have a fun time togt.

However, the sudden appearance of this guy makes me think about the past mistakes I made in my life.
I can't let same stuffs of things happen to me in relationships over and over again.
I can't regret not telling some1 I had feelings for about my feelings.
I can't just let things happen, and eventually blame myself for this and that.

For now, I just wanna let her know of my feelings for her, so that I would not repeat my past mistakes again.
And not to regret in the future.
At least if she really were to be togt with some1 else in d future, I won't regret not telling her bout my feelings beforehand, and start thinking bout different possiblities and start regretting,
just like before.
At least I knew by then clearly about her decision.
But no matter what, I just wanna be the person to be there for her.
However, I really don't wish to give her any pressure on that.
I don't meant anything more than that.
There are too many guys who confessed to her.
Which gave her too much pressure.
I don't intend to go any further than a friend for now.
I don't wanna spoil my relationship with her.
I just wanna let her know, that's all.
After that, continue being her companion.
After all, also going in police soon.
In short, really just wanna to be there for her in her life.
Other stuffs jiu really see fate liao le.
That's all.
The problem now.
Is how to pluck out my courage to tell her. =/
But no matter what, 1 day I must really show some balls and tell her about this.
So that I won't regret anymore.